Saturday, November 28, 2009
Our Thanksgiving was nice. We had dinner with our good friends and their family. I made my Mom's broccoli rice and two apple pies. Clint made a rice dressing and baked a ham. And my Dad - yes dear old Dad who never cooks - even made two lemon pies. I don't think my Dad has EVER made a pie for anybody in his life. Shocking.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
I have a lot to be thankful for. A kind husband, beautiful daughters, a home, and that we do not lack anything or want much. And I am thankful for all of that and much more.
I wouldn't say that I'm sad. But the holidays are just so different. Actually it does make me sad for my daughters that there is no more going to Grandma's. No holiday celebrations at MeMe's house anymore. I was trying to remember the *last* Thanksgiving and I can't. I had to go back and look to see what we did. I do know that my Mom pulled her usual eat and run routine. They came here, ate, and were gone by 12:30. There was nothing all that memorable about the day so it is jumbled up with all the others. We didn't know at the time, but it was the last Thanksgiving there would be six of us at the table. Now there's only five.
I did make my Mom's broccoli, cheese, and rice casserole today. It came out pretty good and I think she'd be proud. We will spend the day with friends. I will put on my happy face and it will be a good day.
It just won't ever be the same.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
My Mom's cat.
He's fat and fuzzy soft. Very cuddly and needy. He's about 15 years old. My Dad found him in front of our house in the pouring rain. A teeny tiny kitten. And he grew to be a huge fur ball. A sweet fur ball, but the fur....
Let's just say wearing black pants and having a white long haired cat don't mix.
It wasn't my choice to bring him here. I didn't really have a choice. My Mom was so worried about him while she was sick. And the dog. Every single day she said she thought they were starving to death or already dead because she couldn't feed them anymore. So of course I told her I was taking care of them, not to worry.
I cried and cried after Clint did his griping. I know it wasn't directed at me. But still... just another reminder my Mom is gone. And I brought the cat here. What else was I supposed to do with him? He's afraid of noise and people, so it's not like we could just dump him off on somebody else. We are his family and I couldn't imagine abandoning him now. Not after 15 years...
Monday, November 16, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Last night I had a very strange dream. Or was it?
I was laying in our bed. Asleep. I *felt* someone get in the bed. The mattress gave. Almost like it was bouncing. Moms out there will know what I'm talking about. That sensation of someone or a little one is climbing in the bed. You're asleep, but yet you still KNOW. It stopped. Then more movement. Bouncing. My first thought was that Valerie had come to cuddle with me. Kids do that you know. I'd have sworn she was right next to me.
Then a whisper. "I'm here." I didn't feel any breath. But the sound was right in my ear. Or seemed to be.
And with that, I opened my eyes. I lay still waiting for "Valerie's" next move. Nothing.
I turned to find an empty bed. No one but me.
Was it a dream.... or?? I honestly don't know what to think.
Monday, November 02, 2009
What? No idea what I'm talking about?
See the bunny? That is Soft Fred. Tough Fred was exactly the same, except dirtier. Yes the soft one was clean and the dirty one was tough. That was how Valerie told them apart.
Before Valerie was born, somebody gave me Tough Fred (as he came to be known much later) as a baby shower gift. Valerie was about 5 months old when we introduced her to him, and she latched on to the bunny blanket immediately. It was oh so soft and cuddly!! She became SO attached to it, I purchased a second to have a back up. That plan backfired once Val figured out there were two of them. She wanted both.
Two years ago while visiting Santa at the mall, one of the Fred's was lost. I scrambled on eBay to find a replacement and even had Val's name put on it. Santa had cleaned him up and put her name on it we told her on Christmas morning. Thus, Soft Fred was born as he was shiny and new, and oh so cuddly.
So for nearly five years Valerie has carted those bunnies around. They have many miles on them and were much loved. The attachment had lessened, but there are still times when she cuddles her bunnies. Until now....
A few days ago, Valerie asked for them. We have looked and looked. I have searched the house and they are no where to be found. I am positive they were in the car when we left the hotel. I made sure of it as Veronica has a yellow set (Butters and Other Butters, as she calls them.) The two Freds are gone. Somehow between the hotel and the 5 hour drive home, they vanished. I just can't imagine where or how.
Thankfully, Valerie has only asked for them that once. She is old enough that she doesn't need them anymore. But still.... it makes me so sad to think I will never see her carrying those floppy bunnies around. Her beloved bunnies. Her most favorite toys -- gone. I haven't told Val yet. We just said we'd find them later. Part of me is still holding out hope that they will turn up. It doesn't look likely though.
On a whim, I called the hotel in Pensacola. The bunnies have been found!! The lady I spoke to knew all about them (the bunnies.) They had actually tried to call ME to tell me they had been turned in. Amazing. I don't know how we managed to leave them, but we did. Hopefully by tomorrow they will be on their way home to us!!! Whew.
Sunday, November 01, 2009
I won't lie ~ I cried on Halloween. Silly Halloween. It had been a long time since I had broken down, but all the memories of years past got to me. Seeing my girls so excited about trick-or-treating reminded me of how exciting it was when I was little. My Mom usually took me trick-or-treating and my Dad stayed home to give out candy. My Mom made costumes for me many times. For the life of me I can't recall anything other than a witch's dress. I just know there were others. I wish she were here to make my girls a costume too.
Seeing the Christmas stuff made me smile inside though, so I hope that is a sign of happier times to come. I have already started Christmas shopping, and hope to be finished around Thanksgiving. I like to window shop though just to look at all the pretty things. My Mom and I used to spend hours walking around malls and never bought a thing. I suppose my girls and I will do the same when they are older!! I know there are tough moments ahead, but over all I am looking forward to the holidays with my girls. Thanksgiving... Valerie's birthday... Christmas... all happy times to create happy memories!!