Let's revisit the Old Shoes, originally posted October 22, 2012.
NOT the actual shoes, but close enough
I close my eyes sometimes and I see black shoes.
It's odd how out of all the memories, the shoes stick out.
His clothes weren't much better. But the shoes.... Dirty, heavily worn, black lace up dress shoes.
I'm sure at some point they were shiny and new, but that was many moons ago. For all I know, he had several pairs of the same shoe. I can remember way back when, my Mom telling him to get rid of them or to not wear them when we were going somewhere.
Faded, dull, and dusty. The creases in the bend of the foot has evolved into cracks with flaking leather.
The souls are worn thin to the point of having holes and also were cracked.
Faded laces repaired and knotted together.
Yet he wore them, as if they were his one and only pair of shoes and there were no others.
I see them walking across the kitchen floor.
I see them kicking sand at the beach.
Walking up the steps of the seawall. Playing chase with the girls.
I see them bike riding. Walking down the driveway. Digging in the garden.
I have no idea how old they were, but they were shoes that saw a lifetime.
Now it has been a year since I have seen them at all.
They went in the trash when we sorted through his things. Because they were not really wearable. Not to anyone except him.
Today marks a year of a day I wish had never happened. A day I wish I could forget, yet I relive. I can't believe it has been this long already.
Maybe it will become a turning point. Eventually. But my heart is heavy and the memories consume me.
And the sadness of him not being here anymore.