Tuesday, December 02, 2008

August 2, 2008

Dear Momma,

It has been four months since you've been gone. Four lonely, sad months. It still does not seem real at times. I wonder if my days will ever feel sunny again. Every day is clouded by memories and thoughts of you. Every day I'm haunted by the images and events of the last 3 weeks of your life. It just didn't seem possible that you - YOU - could become what you did. From learning how sick you were, to your dying just three weeks later... It was a nightmare. You must have been in horrible pain for months, but you never let on just how bad it really was. You just trudged on with rarely a complaint. If only one of the many doctors you saw would have put two and two together, maybe you would have had a little more time. I know death is part of the circle of life, but I still feel you were taken from me well before your time. Everyone was shocked to learn of your passing because you were so healthy and so strong. No one ever thought of you sick or dying. I always pictured you aging into an old woman. Everyone keeps saying it will be okay. I don't see how I will ever be okay. I don't know what to say when I'm asked about the holidays. Do I smile and say everything is fine or do I tell them I'm sad? Do I tell them WHY I'm sad? I think of all the years that lay ahead and life feels so lonely with out you. Valerie still talks about you. I wish you were here to see how big Val and Roni are. I hope that you are at peace now.

Sadly missing you,

P.S. I haven't found any pennies lately.


  1. That's a nice letter to your mom...I am sorry that you have to go through this.
    I don't know if you already know this but Mark McCanns mom recently died of bone cancer...2 years ago this coming January...she too went to several doctors and they kept sending her to the chiropractor...sad.

  2. You mentioned pennies. Have you heard anything about butterflies and feathers?

  3. hmmm No, I don't think I have ever heard the story behind butterfiles and feathers. Just pennies from heaven!