Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Eve of Christmas

I can't believe it's Christmas Eve already. Christmas is here.

When I was little, we went to my Grandma's on Christmas Eve. First though, we'd dress in our best , take pictures in front of the tree, then open our gifts under the tree at home. My Mom always said this was to keep Santa's gifts and their gifts separate. Then we'd head to my MawMaw's for some holiday cheer. Everybody went. Everybody. All the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, close family friends. If they knew our family, they were there. We'd have party food galore. The kids would play. The adults would gossip. My Uncle would tell us he heard sleigh bells outside! Then we'd all open gifts. I don't remember ever getting more than 2-3 gifts, but that was fine with me. I was always bursting with excitement anyway. After what seemed like many hours, we'd head home and go to bed. Notice I didn't say sleep!! I barely slept most Christmas Eve nights. Too excited at the prospect of what Santa might bring!! And usually I'd creep out to check during the night and there would be nothing under the tree. At about 5am when I could stand it no more, and I'd be up to discover what Santa had brought. Gosh, how my Mom must have hated that!!! My Mom told me that usually she had JUST put everything out when I'd decide to get up. LOL! As the years went by and more and more babies came along, my Grandpa passed... so Christmas at MawMaw's was no more. My Mom decided that we would do it at our house - but just the three of us. And that's the way it has been every single Christmas. Until now.

My Dad is coming to our house tonight. We're having our usual party fare: chicken salad sandwiches, cocktail meatballs and sausage, devilled eggs, chips/dip, drinks, etc. We'll eat. Take family photos. Then open gifts. Everything will be as it has in years past. Except that it won't.

The first Christmas is supposed to be the hardest. Part of me wants to be happy and cheery. And I am excited for my girls. Yet sad too. They will never remember Christmas at MeMe's. We do have video of the past 3 years, so I can show them at least. All the holiday lights are shining bright, but I am not. It's just not the same. Holidays are all about family, and big part of mine is missing. How can I be happy when myheart feels sorrow? So many memories. It's a painful reminder that a whole part of my life is gone. Such a sad, bittersweet, Christmas this is for me.

Merry Christmas, Momma.


  1. Anonymous12:13 PM

    My heart goes out to you, my friend. I'm sending you some cheerful thoughts . . . right . . . now.

    And may your new year bring you many wondrous surprises . . .

  2. I remember those big Christmas' where everyone down the bayou was there at my maw maw's house. Every aunt, uncle, cousin, everybody. I have some old films of that and I cherish them so much.

    Holidays are so hard after losing a loved one.

    Wishing you peace and love this Christmas, Melanie. So glad to have met you blogging.

  3. Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you today and I hope you are doing ok......sam