Wednesday, December 16, 2009

My first love

My first love was a boy named James. I was 19, and so was he. We had known of each other for many years. We both attended the same junior high and high schools, but our paths never did cross. Our senior year, he actually took one of my best friends to a few dances. I had never really noticed him until then. I guess maybe I liked him then and didn't know it.

Once college started in the fall, I would occasionally see him around campus. We'd toss out a friendly wave and that was about it. As clear as day, I remember seeing him on registration day. He came up to me and asked to see my schedule. I didn't know it at the time, but he did that so he could match my hours. Just before our second semester started, James called me and asked me to carpool on Tuesday and Thursday.

Twice a week he drove to my house and we took turns driving the 30 minute commute to school. We did not talk much. Some days we didn't say anything at all. He worked and partied (as most college freshmen do) so many days he slept. I really didn't know that much about him, but what I did know I found I liked more and more. By the end of the semester I had it bad for him. It was ridiculous at how much I liked him, but I couldn't tell him. Or I didn't know how to.

I had made a new friend and we made plans to hang out during the summer. We decided to go "out", as in bar hopping. The drinking age was 18 at the time, so going to a bar for the first time at 19 was actually a little late compared to most!! I had hoped and prayed and wished for James to be there. Just... where ever we were going. I just wanted to see him. And him to see me.

He was. And he did.

I spotted him first. But I knew it would be best if he saw me on his own time. And he eventually did and approached me with his surprise at seeing me. I had quite a bit to drink so some of the details are a bit fuzzy. I do remember trying to beat off some drunk guy and James came to my rescue. Later.... much later.... he told me one of his friends asked him "why do you care? do you like her?" And he said no... but it made him start thinking that maybe he did....

Weeks passed. I'd see him around when we went out. We ran into him at the gym where we hung out and played endless games of volleyball.

Then one night, something just felt different. I hate to sound cliche, but it was magic. We had started hanging out at a country bar, and we danced every single slow song. I felt drunk, but hadn't touched any alcohol. James felt the same. We had a lot of electricity. It was that natural high we all search for.

We had our first real date not long after that. And from then on, we were inseparable. We talked or saw each other every single day. He worked at a grocery store around the corner from my house, so when he got off of work, he'd come over. We had plans for the future. Our future. He came along on a family vacation to San Antonio. My Mom and Dad took to him. James was part of our family.

Until about a week before Christmas.

One night we were watching a movie in my living room. Out of the blue, he told me that gradually over two weeks he decided didn't love me anymore. And he left.

I was crushed.

He came over once more on Christmas Eve to give me the gift he had bought weeks earlier. It was a gold bracelet with a gold heart charm. Because he still loved me when he bought it.

I was devastated. I had no idea a broken heart would hurt so much!! Before that, I thought girls were silly for crying over a boy. I sure did cry. For a very long time, I cried. It was many months before I was able to move on. I hated seeing him because it brought so much back.

And one day, he started coming into the video store where I worked. With a girl. A year later, he married her. And not me.

I am so glad he did.

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