Tuesday, February 23, 2010


It had been so long since I visited the cemetery. I think about going often, but I just can't bring myself to go. It's easy to find a reason not to go. No time, tired, etc. I almost always have the kids with me, and I'd rather not bring them. They run around ooooh-ing and aaahh-ing over the pretty flowers. Valerie will stand at the mausoleum and say "I miss you MeMe and I love you. And guess what I did....." It's sweet but heartbreaking. Sometimes she asks questions that I'd rather not answer. Like "Why is MeMe in there?" I think the last flowers I brought were for her anniversary in August.

It's been nearly eighteen months. Wow. And part of me still doesn't want to believe it.

My Dad was watching Veronica for me while I got a haircut, so I decided to bring flowers with me. I pass right by the cemetery on the way to the salon, but it's hard to bring myself to actually stop. To my surprise, all of my flowers I left previously are still there. I thought for sure they'd be long gone - stolen. Sad, but it happens. Someone - most likely my aunt - had put a Christmas bouquet in the vase. I was glad to see that, but I felt bad too. I didn't put anything there for Christmas this year. Last year I had brought pictures of the kids and a stocking and flowers. I thought about it, but I just never went this year. No real reason. I didn't forget her. I just didn't.

I never stay for very long. Just a few minutes. The marble is smooth and cold as I run my hand over the engraving. And I always feel silly standing there all alone. I tried talking to her a few times but it felt funny talking to no one. I try not to think about her being in there. In the darkness. I always whisper that I miss her, but I wonder if where ever she is if she can hear me. Or if she is anywhere at all... or if she is just gone.

And I leave the flowers and rush away, tears burning my eyes, thinking maybe next time I will stay a few minutes more.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Girls Weekend!!

I just had my first 'girls only' weekend in about eight or nine years. It was time!! Jenn and I spent the weekend at the Beau Rivage in Biloxi, Mississippi. It was all Clint's idea. Actually it was part of my anniversary gift. He planned the trip and surprised me by announcing I was going away with Jenn for a weekend. No husbands. No kids. No cooking or cleaning. Just girl time! My first reaction was I can't do that... I can't leave!! But wow... how many husbands would do that?!? I started thinking about going shopping for myself and how nice it would be to have girl time.... And I have to admit I would have been crazy to say no. We left Friday about lunch time and stayed through Sunday morning.

We had a GREAT* time. We ate, and shopped for ourselves, ate some more, slept, laughed, and it was a blast. I hate to say it, but basically we were back in our room and in bed by 9pm both nights. And it was lovely. No kids crying... no bed time battles. Just quiet and relaxing. Ah, quiet. It was so nice to get away from the daily routine!

And another plus, Valerie and Veronica had their first slumber party with Lilly. Val keeps asking when Lilly is coming back!!

*Despite the huge fight Clint and I got into hours before leaving. He booked the most expensive hotel room ever. Let's just say it cost the equivalent of six weeks of groceries. It wasn't a suite or anything special. No internet, no fridge, no microwave. Just an ordinary room - 2 beds and a bathroom. I was and still am VERY unhappy about having to pay this ridiculous amount of money when we could have stayed somewhere else just as nice or nicer for a third of the cost. And never mind that I'm not big on casinos to begin with - too noisy and smokey. I have yet to figure out what he was thinking or why he thought this was a good idea when he made the reservation. It was too late to cancel it with out losing the deposit, so I sucked it up and I guess I just need to fork over the money and get over it.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Carnival time!

Happy Mardi Gras!!!

We didn't go to as many parades as we usually do this Mardi Gras. It has been much too cold to camp out on the street for hours and hours. The few we did go to were pretty fun. We didn't attempt to catch too many throws this year though. The kids always seem to get smacked with bags of beads, so we changed our strategy to hang out way in the back out of the line of fire. Don't get me started on how they shouldn't be allowed to bomb you with bags as big as your head.Ow. The kids still came home with gobs of beads and a zillion stuffed animals. Shhhhh don't tell the kids but it will all disappear over the next week or two!! For now it looks like a parade has passed through my living room. Ah, what fun.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

February 13, 2003

As I sat in my bedroom seven years ago, it dawned on me that it was my last night there. My last night in my pretty pink room. My room. I had painted the walls. I laid the tile. I purchased the curtains, the bedding, and hung the posters on the walls. I had even bought the bed, but it had already been moved to my new home. Our home. Instead I had a Jenny Lind twin bed my Dad had taken down from the attic. Most of my things were packed in boxes now. I felt a little sad sitting there with the realization this was goodbye to the only home I had ever known.

My Mom came in and I guess she noticed and asked if I was okay. And I was, and I knew it was going to be all right, but I was still a little sad. We had to make a few minor fixes to my dress. David's Bridal had done terrible alterations so my Mom had to do a few quick fixes. I tried it on and she did her magic once we figured out what was wrong.

Clint, his Godmother, and one of his buddies who drove in from Houston came to visit earlier in the evening. I remember crying when they left. Just the stress of it all and the changes to come were getting to me. Months and months of planning were funneling into this single day. All the work, all the money, all the planning was coming to an end. I was excited, yet it all seemed a little unreal.

I managed to get a little sleep, but not much. I was up bright and early the next morning. We had LOTS to do.

It was February 14, 2003.

My wedding day. <3

Friday, February 05, 2010

Are we done?

Veronica has been protesting pull ups for a while now. They are too tight. Too big. Too scratchy. At home, she's been fully potty trained for a while. Months even. I admit I have been a bit leery about giving up diapers completely! I started taking her out on short trips in big girl panties, and she had a few accidents but over all she did better than I thought she would. Roni mostly only wore a pull up at night (who wants to changes sheets at 2am?!) and when bathrooms were not easily accessible. Two nights ago, she threw a fit at bed time. "No pull up!! Want big girl panties." I was too tired to fight the battle so I gave in and prepared myself for a middle of the night wake up call.

It never came!

At 6:45 am Veronica popped out of bed and announced she needed to potty.

She stayed dry all night. From about 9pm on. (Fellow Moms you know what a huge deal this is!!)

Last night I didn't even ask about a pull up. At 4am she called for me and needed the bathroom. Then she went right back to bed, cuddled up with her bunnies, and went to sleep.


Not bad for my two (almost three) year old.

Could we really be free of diapers/pull ups?? Are we done buying them for good? Can I start carrying a real purse free of diapers and wipes??

I sure hope so.

Monday, February 01, 2010

Looks like we are starting the new year the same way we ended last year -- sick.

In only four weeks we have already been to the pediatrician three times. Once for Valerie, twice in the last week for Veronica. Poor Roni can't seem to kick this ear infection she has. Today she got a shot and a second round of antibiotics. She's been so whiney and crying SO much. Not sleeping, not eating... burning up with fever. It was 102.6 at the doctor's office, and that was after some Motrin. Hoping my baby girl is back to normal soon.

Really curious...

Who is "yahoo-ing" me?

Searcing - Veronica , clint blog

to find me.

Someone in Morgan City/Patterson via Cox internet.

Just curious if you're someone we know or someone who stumbled here on accident.