Friday, December 23, 2011

It's practically here....

I've been trying very hard to find my Christmas spirit this year. I did my usual decorating and baking. I took care of the necessary gifts, did the whole elf on a shelf bit, and I listened to Christmas music daily. Christmas is practically here, and any excitement still seems out of reach. Everything revolves around family gatherings, and we don't exactly have that. Never have. It doesn't bother me much to not have a big party to attend, but I wish for more than "just us" for Val and Roni. I wish they could experience it a few times while the magic is still there. Especially, Veronica, who at only four years old likely will not have many memories of her grandparents. Maybe next year we can piece together something. Dad's passing is still to fresh to make new traditions this year.

We did get an invite for Christmas dinner, and we accepted. I'm not crazy about the idea of having to tear the girls away from their Santa gifts to rush off that morning, but it will beat sitting at home alone with my thoughts all day.

I know we are blessed in many ways and there are always those who are worse off. I am looking forward to watching the girls' excitement. They are truly at the best age. It's such a magical time for them and they are in awe of everything. I hate that I have been in this slump and my heart hasn't been in holiday mode at all. There are so many things I usually do and did not. I just could not. I'm sad that I feel like I missed creating the Christmas magic in our home this year.

Maybe my holiday spirit will show up by tomorrow.

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1 comment:

  1. "Firsts" are so difficult. Be gentle with yourself. Take the joy that you can find in the kids and trust that it gets better, over time. Hugs.