Monday, December 31, 2012

Twenty Twelve

We spent Thanksgiving home alone.  We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day alone.  The last thing I wanted was to spend New Year's Eve alone.  So we talked about it and I planned a small party.  Very few friends were coming, but it was still better than sitting here alone. I figured the kids would have a blast popping fireworks and eating pizza with a few friends.  But...  No one showed any interest in helping.  No one showed any interest in actually having anyone over.  I got the blank look when mentioning it.  No one made any effort except me. And I am tired of doing all the work and being too tired to enjoy it afterwards.  So I cancelled it.

And here we are, doing exactly what I did not want:  sitting at home alone on New Year's Eve.

The older I get the faster the years seem to slip away.  This has been a tough year for me for many reasons.  The main one - coping with my Dad's passing and taking over his affairs.  He made it easy, but none of it was easy.  A lot of things were overshadowed dealing with that.  Over all there were too many losses and forever goodbyes to friends and neighbors.

Oh there were plenty of good things.  No more Houston for Clint.  Happy times with the girls as always.  Fun times with friends.  As always there were friends who stood by me... (and friends who walked away.  And those that have been indifferent.)

We've been on a huge spending spree all year - a boat, cosmetic surgery, trucks, vacations....    Mainly because my Dad never did anything.  Never spent a dime on himself.  I am frugal and a lot like him but I am not going to be like him entirely.  You really can't take it with you, so why not enjoy some of it while you can?

I am not sure what my wish is for 2013.  To finally find peace perhaps.  To find patience.  To get past the hurt.  Happiness is somewhere?  To move forward with the other house.  To forgive and forget...  and accept.  And for my life to be less cluttered.

I'll be returning to the gym after a holiday hiatus.  That's not really a goal but a plan to get back to my regular routine.

Tomorrow is a New Day.... A New Year...  a fresh start.

Wishing you all the best for 2013.

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