Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Two years.

October is such a hard month.  I love fall.  I love Halloween.  I love the feel of Halloween parties and events.  The anticipation of the Big Holiday season being right around the corner!!!  I will not let sadness be a main focus, but the feelings of loss are still there.  It's like I keep waiting to come full circle.  Peace and acceptance is just out of my grasp and I just have to figure out how to reach it.

I know he hasn't completely left me.  He is a part of me and in that sense, he will live forever. I still can't believe he is gone sometimes.  I often sit on my porch and half expect to see his Civic ever-so-slowly creeping around the corner.  I read through his old messages sometimes, grateful to still  'hear' him but wishing to hear his voice just once more.  My Dad, my go to person.  He was the one who always had the answers.  He may not have always said what I wanted to hear, but he always had something insightful to say.

It's two years tonight that we said goodbye.  I try not to think about what happened that day, but it creeps in on me sometimes.  Something happened to him - a stroke or ?  The day before he was awake, talking, and had even wandered into Valerie's room.  His lifelong friend came by for a visit and they laughed and talked about when they were kids.  That night we sat and talked with him about old times.  Dad didn't say much but he sat on the edge of the bed and listened.  He kept leaning and I was worried he was going to fall, so I made him lie down.  He protested.  Perhaps he knew.  If I had known, I sure would have talked with him longer.  One regret, of two.....

Miss you every day, Daddy.

Jack Ernest Russell
March 14, 1933 - October 22, 2011
Morgan City, LA 

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